The calm before the storm

It is bright and it is early… this must be why people say they were up “bright and early this morning.” I always took that to mean that they hopped up out of bed at an early hour and were somehow energized and ready to take on a new day. Often times I find myself waking up energized, ready to accept the joy that is going to unfold in my day. Today is different however. I woke up feeling drained rather than vitalized. But the fact remains that it is early and bright outside… so I’m going to say to folks today that I woke up “bright and early,” no matter what connotations that has for them.

Where am I? Columbus Ohio. The short answer to a complex question. My physical location is always only a small piece of a larger picture that describes where I’m at. The elements that truly complete the picture include, but are not limited to…

where am I at spiritually

where am I at emotionally

where am I at health wise

The physical location answer is a great way to by pass these rather important questions. But every now and again I need to stop and answer these questions in their entirety. It is a self check in. Keeping me honest and aware of my current state, knowing that at any moment I have the power to shift and create.

So I’m sitting here in my bed, early on the morning of September 1st 2008, Labor Day. The sun is shining outside and there is a still a gentle chill to the air outside. The events of yesterday and the day before are running through my head. The weekend is almost gone. When it arrived I was filled with optimism. So much ahead of me. So much to put behind me. Possibilities for creation. Now, just two short days later I can see the end of the weekend glaring at me. It is taunting me. It is inevitable. When it comes that will mark the begining of an academic week that will end with two tests. What will traverse the synapses in my brain over the next several days is unimaginable even to me. I cannot begin to describe to you the storm of information that is about to fly around this nervous system. Not to mention the hours of material that have been crammed in there already the first two weeks of medical school. It is a bit scary and daunting to think about all that awaits me. My bed right now feels safe however. Maybe I’ll just hang here and skip the whole study thing…. overrated.

In all honesty, I love the work. I’m studying stuff I really do enjoy. I’m been feeling very content with my daily routine. It has been thrown a bit off course in the last couple days as I have been hosting a friends who was displaced by a natural disaster in the Southern United States. It has been a challenge to accommodate his needs with my own. It has been a challenge trying to reunite with an old friend in the midst of a crazy study weekend. It has been a challenge having two people live in a space that is really built for one. But with these challenges come opportunities for growth. Growth comes in many forms. Often I think of growth as learning new skills, adapting to a new environment, becoming more well versed in some aspect of life. Perhaps all of those things are happening to me this week. But growth can also mean just learning something about yourself. Learning how you respond to a set of circumstances. It is a high level of cognition to think about how you are responding to situations. I say that because most of our situational response mechanisms in our body are physiological. They happen unconsciously. Maybe they are emotions that come up, hormones that get released, or thoughts. But we never think of them before they happen. Nope, they just happen when we react. Stopping to digest all that, to really place each of those responses in context with the environment that surrounds you, that is a high level of thinking. That is awareness in one form. You see how the world around you influences the very basic primal responses our body has. The environment will often ellicit similar responses in each of us, take the example of the grizzly bear that shows up at the camp site looking for food, we all “shit a brick”. These are not the responses I’m talking about. I’m talking about the more complex environmental triggers that arise in our society with its numerous elements that influence our lives. How do you respond to stress of work, stress of a loved one, the weather outside? There is a tremendous amount of variation amongst people in our responses. That is why it is so difficult for anyone but yourself to know how you feel in response to the world around you. But it is a vital step in our growth and evolution as beings. The more we can understand how we react with the physical world around us, the better equipped we will be to take on the challenges of tomorrow.

So with that said, I have grown a bit of the last couple days. I have stepped outside myself in order to see how I have reacted to this set of circumstances. It isn’t a matter of liking what I see or not liking what I see. It is simply about seeing. I react this way this time. In the future it doesn’t have to be the same.

I want to say thank you to a beautiful being for sending me a message this morning. It was a physical message, via facebook. But that message extended far beyond the rhelms of the electronic world. It crossed into the ethers and rang in my head “bright and early.” It was on my mind when I woke up and truly touched my heart.

In gratitude for the day,

Marcus Filly